Duuude.

I've been really out of my own blogging loop for a while. I've been sort of keeping up with some reading, mostly keeping in touch through Instagram, but what I've gathered is that Capsule Wardrobes are "in" and they're filled with neutrals and stripes.

Well, I guess I've been accidentally capsule wardrobing for a really long time, then.

I'm taking the capsule-chic one step closer to lazy and have been doing two things with what I've been wearing lately. 1. Replace a lot of dead and dying clothes (China water is really mineral-y and makes clothes crunchy and gross much more quickly. Goodbye, old worn out favorites) with pieces that are a little oversized, since my intention is to be pregnant on repeat and knock out the whole "let's have lots of kids" thing bing bang boom style. And slouchy/ comfortable works in pregnancy, post-partum, and toddler chasing. 2. I'm buying the bulk of my new favorites in the men's section. Been doin' that since my belly got big, like here, here, here.

Casual Fall and Life Lately

It's the peeeerfect weather in Suzhou right now. We're in the midst of sunshine days with a nip in the air- perfect for jeans and something with long sleeves during the lunch hour. And, for the most part, we can still get away with no socks and lighter layers on little Violet if I wear her since we're sweaty torso to sweaty torso, but I fear those days are going away soon. Now, if only I could find socks that fit her.

Sorry for the long absence, friends! We've been traveling some, but mostly I have been enjoying the bejesus out of wasting my days staring into Violet's eyes, spending hours making fart noises at one another, taking long shuffling walks with the dog. Life is wonderfully slow lately and I'm so grateful for this little moment in time where I can finally enjoy my kid after all of the undeveloped digestive tract yelling, the thrush and nursing nightmares now behind us and in a good groove. It's days filled with lots of really great little moments of fingers tangled in my hair, raspberry spit-bubbles being smeared all over my cheek, that one crazy dimple that shows up on her upper right cheek when she smiles her crooked whole-faced grin, especially when she's super proud of herself for sitting on her own for a few seconds. I'm really loving it.

Making Buddies

This kid is so her dad's clone. Blonde, blue eyes, and really loves going out. I'm a homebody, no question, but Violet is so nosy and happy to spend her days walking around Suzhou making friends. It really cracks me up- the 35-65 year old women are more likely to be judgey and unpleasant about how she's so small, or she must be cold, or why isn't she wearing a hat or socks. However, men of all ages, from college boys to retirees, are the absolute cutest about making a silly face for her and waving, which usually illicits a grin or concentrated eyebrow twitch and there's kind of nothing more adorable than a man who is melted into a pile of giggles and mush by a baby making eye contact.

Swing Dress and the Swing of Things

Shocker. Another no-bra, dress, and scarf combination.

I can't tell you all how much more of a joy life has been the last few weeks. We ironed out a system of overnight pumping (Violet has been sleeping from 9:30 - 7:00 pretty reliably and Holy Engorgement, Batman) so the one or two bottles she does seem to want during the day are solely pumped milk, or maybe only 1/3 formula. Her little belly is full and happy, she sleeps like a champ, we're figuring out naptimes, her grins and alert time is spent exploring and observing with almost no crying anymore. We had a non-colicky, but really shitty and uncomfortable first few months. And it was so frustrating that I knew this sweet kid was hidden by a gassy, hungry but not getting what she needs scream-machine. All of a sudden, at about 15 weeks, Real Violet showed back up and we started to really get into the swing of things.

Flashback: Too-Small Tops

Oh, Kate, you shoulda stopped trying to wear your shorty shirts. You wore this when you still had 5 weeks until your due date. There was a decided lack of shirt stretch happening. Good try, lady. Next time, stick with rotating your small handful of maternity shirts and stop trying to sausage-encase yourself in your XS collection. It's not a good look.

Hope I learned my lesson- don't wear stuff optimistically, I just look like the Stay-puffed marshmallow man if it's too tight. Hehehe, it was a cute concept, but the fit didn't work in my favor. At all. 

Grateful

Oh, look what I found in drafts... from weeks ago. One of my final work outfits from a surprise sunny day amidst the springtime rains (so I, naturally, went against the Chinese norm of covering every bit of leg and skin and overdressing despite whatever the weather is and wore no tights). I loved how absurdly tiny this cardigan looks against my kiddo curves; it was fun to wear a kicky bit of print.

I really thought I would miss work a little once I stepped away. I've been motivated and diligent for years, investing more of myself and my time in working and earning our wages than I should have. I always felt so responsible to the success of my little family; making sure my income, as paltry as it always was in the midst of the economic downturn and as hard as I had to work to earn it, was enough to get us through not only bills, but provide enough extra to make sure Rob could take part in as many "extras" as possible while going through school. Conferences, festivals, paying musicians out of our own pockets to play his pieces. It costs a lot to succeed in music composition. But, we powered through, hopeful that one day, not too many years from graduation, he would find a really great job that made him happy and was substantial enough for us to start a family. I hoped, with fingers and toes crossed, that it would be someplace with an interesting arts scene. I hoped that it would be a position that would allow me to spend at least a little time away from work while we raised kids, that we wouldn't be perpetually broke anymore and I could enjoy fulfilling my dream of becoming a mommy a couple times over. Never did I assume I would get to detach from working completely, knowing that Rob is enjoying the challenge (and parts of it are definitely that) of working at a School of Music as a professor, knowing that our finances are modest, but comfortable for the first time in our marriage, and we'd get to do it all while experiencing the madness of living outside of the USA. It's not all sunshine and bubbles, since I know I'll spend a lot of my "free time" hunting for reliable information about where to get safe vaccines and buy non-toxic Legos abroad, things that are taken oh-so-for-granted when you live someplace with regulated markets, but I know how damn lucky we are. Well, it's not entirely luck- we both worked our asses off to catch this really amazing break.

Thanks for sticking with me as I've been blogging about this wild life adventure of living in China. I know it may have turned off some readers who view it as gloating or novelty. But it's life as I know it right now. No better, no worse, no more exotic or fabulous than living in Houston or Boston or Los Angeles. It's just my new normal, whatever that means. Like I said, thanks for sticking around. It helps to have some of you online girlfriends to feel a little less like an outsider all the time.

Cultured

I'm about a week behind in sharing this look, but here it is, anyway.

Rob and one of his colleagues organized and hosted a pretty extensive World Music Festival last week, which included several lectures about different cultures' music, ethnomusicology, current trends in composition, etc. Plus, one high profile performance (Indian Tabla!) at the Suzhou Culture Centre, which was performed for a full house! Do yourself a favor and go listen to some of Abhiman Kaushal's tabla performances- insane. Better still? He's a heck of a nice guy and a really engaging teacher. And if you're in a New Music mood- listen to some of Shi-Hui Chen's pieces (she's Rob's teacher from Rice and the reason we found out about the job here in Suzhou). All such good stuff last week!

So, in order to impress absolutely nobody except the gaggle of Indian and Chinese 19 year old students who flooded the concert hall for the performance, I kicked my maternity style up a notch and wore this snazzy little stretch dress, a loud overcoat, silk scarf (so beautiful and SO hard to wear since it's a massive square shape) and actually curled my hair. And then stunk it all up when, after the concert, we joined the performers for a late-night Hot Pot meal. Seriously, wear old clothes when you plan to order Sichuan spicy soup. You'll reek for days.

Meeting Mommies

I got out last week to visit with other local Expat mommas in town. It's going to be a lot of fun getting to know many of these families and going through the adventure of having tiny ones in China together, getting all the tips and tricks of where to find what we need, commiserating over the strangeness of motherhood abroad with occasional nights out together. It's a great group of ladies and I'm really excited to finally have the time to get to know some of them better in the upcoming weeks. More than anything, after my nervousness about my little booger hanging out breech (I won't speak too soon since I haven't been to an official appointment yet, but I felt a decidedly rotating movement on Sunday), I got two offers to email friends to gather intel on moxibustion and acupuncture specialists in town. Beyond kind, exceedingly reassuring, and incredibly thoughtful.

Plus, it's really fun to hang out with so many lovely people who have THE. BEST. ACCENTS. I am far and away the minority as an American- I've met tons of German families (Bosch is in town), women from the UK, India, several from Spain, Pakistan, and one from Ireland. And the best part? I said adios to the remnants of my nasally a-sound Ohio accent and never picked up any y'all's in Texas, so nobody can place where I'm from.

I mentioned last week that I've been buying and wearing boys' stuff as maternity wear. Here's more proof (and a bump-hiding oversized woolen sweater- my very favorite fiber!). Also, my wispy shorty-bangs of new-growth-pregnancy-hair (the only hair "benefit" I've seen from these hormones) are popping out in every frizzy direction to say hello.

Wasted Brain Cells

Not much to say. I've been getting dressed and I don't do a good job of taking photos. Whoops.

We've been re-watching That 70's Show on DVD in the evenings. I really forgot how much we quote back and forth from this series. You, know- silly everyday expressions that you've plucked from a line in Pop Culture. Like, if I overzealously pour granola all over the counter, Rob will quote "Whoa, that really shot outta there," from the episode where Red accidentally eats special brownies and shoots off a fire extinguisher. Or, when offering one another something to eat, we quote, in our best Wisconsin accent, "Hey there Bob, you wanna piece of pie?"

All obscure references and quotables for which my darling husband has a mind like a steel trap. He's like a bad Pop Culture encyclopedia. Anyone else have a loved one with genius skill in something useless?

Good, Small Stuff

It's been a really funny week. Good and bad yo-yo-ing. But that's life, right?

So- let's focus on the little stuff, the tiny anecdotes and small moments that bring a smile.

Spring is always and forever going to be my favorite season. Starting three weeks ago, I saw a flush of lime green lining the canals as Willow trees started to sprout tiny new growth leaves and forsythia blooming literally overnight. Tiny blooms exploding on the trees and watching buds turn into miniature leaves over just a few days. I'm in love with the abundance of fresh and growing things in Suzhou right now.

Finding an H&M kiddo tee of Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA album- which, for a kid to be born in China, is hysterically false advertising.

While travelling by bus to the train station, Rob totally got shoulder napped-on by the coolest looking dude on the bus. Like, tall, a little punk, tattoo'ed and wearing combat boots. And his girlfriend kept giving Rob a little "Well, sorry, man" side look every once in a while. And I died of laughter.

Playing a game of Taboo in the Ikea cafe, Rob was trying to get me to guess a word... I guessed patio, veranda, porch, and terrace. Not right. When he told me the word, I told him he should have used "Upper blanking a toilet." And he had no idea what that phrase meant. I officially out-gross-dude-ed my husband.

There's an exorbitant number of beyond-cute toddlers running around the city. Several of whom think my dog is the coolest and whose mothers and grandmothers are freaking the heck out about it.

Eddie is still a snuggling machine.

Jif Crunchy peanut butter is my favorite and apples and carrots are both especially sweet this season. Lunchtime win.

My bump is finally big and obvious enough that I've been offered many seats on busses and subways by adorably considerate college boys. So sweet.

I've made quite a few clothes purchases lately (almost all from H&M), and my style has shifted decidedly into dude-inspired (like, swiped from the boys' department) maternity. I can't get enough of wearing oversized sweaters with parkas and maternity jeans. I am doing my mother proud.

Flip

Ladies, I need advice. Kiddo is still hanging out breech (actually, it's a little more transverse) at the beginning of 32 weeks. And I know I have no real need to be nervous yet, but what worked for you all to flip and spin your little ones in utero and how did you make sure it stuck? Kindly remember that I live in China, so special products and special spa treatments are both non-options and my ability to communicate safety concerns with masseuses and acupuncturists is limited. Please and thank you.

Second, I love/laugh that this adorable swing jacket that I usually wore belted (like here, or here) is now beautifully fit for my rapidly widening pregnancy hips. And this ridiculous new pair of maternity pants so perfectly walks the line between casual and work-wear appropriate. I love them mucho. I can't wait to wear them with not-sweaters and jackets as the sun keeps popping out to say hello.

Free Fallin'

A few major steps to manage in our website redesign project, administrative stuff for a faculty meeting, and whatever other madness comes along this week, and I'm outta the office. Just in time for some sunshine coming up!

The bad news? It rained at the end of last week and I slipped on the metal steps of the stairwell of the faculty cafeteria on my way out and landed right on my tailbone. No butt meat or cushion, just tailbone. I don't think it's cracked, just a mean nasty bruise and a little back muscle tightening. And kiddo is completely fine; in fact, I didn't even feel any jostle in my belly when I landed, but daaaaang, it's hard to sit in an office chair all day now. The other bad news? I broke my own fall with my right forearm and sat directly on my right middle finger. The worse news? What should have become a really rocking forearm bruise to rival the mystery table run-in bruises my sister gets faded perfectly after I used coconut oil on it. I didn't even get a chance to long-distance show it off.

To all my pregnant blogging buddies- watch your ass. Literally. A banged up tailbone hurts like none other when you go down with extra little person weight. Oh, and coconut oil is filled with miracles and rainbows.

Mixing in a Bit of Spring

Not my favorite outfit, but I'm so happy I could finally get away with wearing this blouse with a long sleeved shirt underneath and jacket over top. I don't love that I still needed to wear booties with it, but I'll deal with it.

We finally made our way to Shanghai to hunt for the only H&M maternity section nearby last weekend. Up until then, this pair of maternity work trousers was the only thing I had that wasn't regular pants with a belly band. It's tough to sink a whole day into traveling the 85 km between Suzhou and Shanghai for errands. But, oh my gosh, was it worth it. With about 10 weeks to go, I needed pants with stretch!

Happy weekend to you all, friends! Hope you get to bust out a springtime favorite article of clothing and mix it with your winter gear. Maybe if we all collectively get into a spring-y headspace together, it will show up sooner. That's how that works, right?

 

Raising a Neckline

We have a joke about my upper half- "small but mighty." I have a little more going on now than I ever have before, but let's be really real. I will never have what could be termed a rack. Which means I don't fill stuff out. Which means I have the potential to show off a lot more camisole than I want to.

Enter my 3rd grade-level sewing skills.

I discovered a while back that 10 minutes with a needle and thread and stitching a few tiny pleats into the shoulders of lowcut pieces makes me like my shirts just a little better. While I appreciate the good work my camisoles are doing in keeping either wind off my back or functioning as a sweat barrier (depending on the season), they should always remain an undergarment, not a visual contrast to a v-neck.

< Nope. No black camisole, please.                 That's better. And visually simpler. >

 

Super easy fix! Flip inside out, gather 2-3 tiny pleats to the front side of the shoulder seam, throw a few stitches in across the trim to make sure it's secure, and that's it!

My other low-cut top quick fix? Throw a scarf on and hide it.

Gaaaah, I'm lazy.

Strategy

Winter gave me a major case of the "blahs" this year. I know it doesn't hold a candle to the miserable winter so many of my Midwest buddies had to tough out (sorry you're so snowed in and pissed about it, mom) but everyone here has said last summer was the hottest on record in decades, and this winter was one of the coldest with the highest humidity in the last few years. We got no more than a pathetic sprinkling of snow, but commuting in the soak-into-your-bones cold has been darn unpleasant. Add into that the fact that my favorite coats all now fit like sausage casings and it had been too cold and clammy to leave them unbuttoned. Boo hoo and shut up, Kate. I'll keep reminding myself that my masterful 3-undershirt layering skills kept me mostly warm enough every day without turning me into a puffy coat and Cosby sweater Chinese fashionista. Outer layers, like this cardigan, never did piddly for keeping the chill at bay- it's just for show. What you can't see is that I consistently wore a skintight camisole tucked into my pants so there was never any cold gusts, a GapBody stretchy long sleeved tee, and an outdoor-grade undershirt or two under the sweater of my choice. Every dang day. 

Plus those unattractive LLBean boots. 

I better keep an eye on those poor boots- I'm afraid Rob will send them away before next winter. I just hope he has enough sense to realize that they're my pull-on-dog-walking-shoes, too, and if they disappear, so does my obligation to get up to take the beagle out at 6:30. 

Sausage casing coat. Good look, Kate, good look.

Beginning of the End

Well, I've done it. My 30 days' notice has been submitted, I'm working like mad to help out with as much infrastructure as I can, but I'm going to stop working. And it's mixed emotions.

First of all, I don't want to make anyone feel bad- The only real reason we are able to pull off the stay at home thing financially is because Rob's very normal first year professor's salary stretches a whole lot further in China. Second, my income is quite generous by cultural standards, but still just a fraction of what could be considered a "second income" so we're not losing out on a lot. Third, the cost of having a kid over here is out of pocket doable; not cheap, but not unmanageable- my access to benefits was only linked to my working up until birth and coming back quickly afterward. The healthcare package and coverage was clear within the structures of very standard Chinese public hospital care, which isn't going to be a legitimate option for us since only the "VIP" services, which aren't covered, offer English language assistance reliably. And homegirl isn't brave enough to chance midnight labor at a hospital with no English speakers to call. 

So, what do I gain by saying Goodbye to my tenure as an administrator? Big big big deal gain is that I'll have an available and open schedule. Time to actually attend Expat mom groups to start making friends and gaining intel on how having a kid over here works, getting someone's used German diaper bag for a major discount, and spending time with ladies and kids who will become our community for the next few years. I've already met a few people just from skipping one day of work to go to a mom group before my doctors appointment and got clued into a few seminars that I'll be going to to learn more about this whole mommyhood thing. I'll also have weekday free time to go to Shanghai to shop, rather than spend precious weekends fighting the crowds. There's one Shanghai H&M with a maternity section and I don't fit into any of my pants anymore, so it's an urgent and necessary trip. Same goes for some Ikea shopping, and Rob can't stand the Sunday crowds. Also, for the first time ever in their lives, my critters can get used to a schedule where they don't get crated for a whole workday. And the poor recovering beagle can get some beautiful springtime day muscle building walks before the heat of summer and inconvenience of a human sibling ruins his chances for some TLC. 

But, I do work with some lovely people and have really enjoyed flexing my meticulous organization and protocol creating muscles to help the new School of Music get off the ground. It's a wise step to help me get into the headspace of this next phase for our family since I'm lousy at work/life balance and establishing boundaries, but I step away with a bit of sadness and a little "oh my gosh, how am I really going to fill my time?!" fear. Stay at home mommas- how did you feel when you made the choice to stop working and how on earth did you cope with the post-honeymoon "Freeeeedom!" jolt of reality that comes with stay at home routines?

In the meantime, I'll pump up my work wardrobe a notch to make up for the truly lazy wintertime dressing I'd been passing off as office-appropriate attire. C'mon springtime.

Snuggling

While it's still a little too chilly to be prancing around in one of my newly acquired stretchy dresses with shorty sleeves, it's not half bad if one layers supa slim undershirts and double layers of tights (folded way low below my bump- it's getting squishy) under them. Oh, and spend the workday under a blanket.

Desk blankets. They're a thing and they're good stuff.

Also, this photobomber has been all up in my business since the beginning of the break. It got more intense as the fireworks were going off for the Lunar New Year, but she's been a permanent fixture on my lap whenever it's available and my little shadow as I mill around the house. The dog and I are usually little peas in a pod, so it's kind of fun to have this lady hanging around. It really was nice to have a routine of spending the day taking care of the house and critters (while snacking to my heart's content... there's something about cut carrot in a baggie that's way less satisfying that carrots fresh cut and in a bowl). So, Eddie, get ready, because we're going to snuggle like mad this weekend. And I'll snack on potato chips so you can lazily swipe one from out of the bag as you're perched on my lap.